Chocoholic in the making

   Ashima's first Halloween is quickly approaching! The costume is washed and ready to go.  The traditional cupcakes are baking, but unfortunately with Christmas liners. But who needs 75 Santa liners, anyway? It's not like we have 75 people to give cupcakes away to for the holidays! :)
   She had a great day today (other than getting to sleep without Dennis tonite).  She tried to eat a Reese's and a Crunch already! But that's not surprising when both of us are major chocolate lovers.  She must have caught us dipping in the pail and knows it's food.  Hee hee.

 

 

Shots and shoes

   With swine flu being declared a national emergency, we decided to vaccinate Ashima when we went for a delayed well visit today.  She is on track with height and weight, is developing nicely in all areas, and we got some sleep advice.   It's never easy watching her get the needle, but we take comfort that she will not remember the experience.  
   We also went to the mall and got her first pair of walking shoes!  We bought 2 pairs-one sneaker like and the other Mary Jane style.  They are not cheap, but we had a great time watching her in the store.

Getting ready for Halloween

   Halloween is one of our favorite days b/c there is no pressure to celebrate it.  No gifts to exchange, no prearranged dinners, and no guilt for failing to say "Happy Halloween" to everyone you see.  Not to mention it's so much fun walking the dark side!  

   Ashima is set to go: her costume is ready that her aunt Myra made, and so is her candy pail.  She has been wearing her Halloween bib all month long and recognizes the jack o lantern, witch, and ghost.  We hope  she enjoys the actual day of trick or treat.

 

   We have been having way too much fun with Ashima this week.  She is learning how to communicate her likes and annoyances.  Still not a good sleeper, but we are hanging in there.   Judging by the drool that has been dripping, we think she is working on tooth #9.   This video was taken the morning before the landlord replaced the siding, which is why she is wearing a sweater over her pjs.  She was not a fan of the hood! 

 

Applesauce, anyone?

  October is a great month, starting with Halloween and also b/c apples pop up everywhere you go-apple picking, apple cider, apple pie-the list goes on and on.  My (Metzi) mom and FIL both gave me many  Gala apples over the last 2 weeks, as demonstrated in the pic.  So I made applesauce and have enough for about a month or more for Ashima.  She loves it! I mixed it with sweet potato, butternut squash, and many fruits. YUM.     

Attack!

Ashima is a jokester. She laughs when she psyches you out, or hides from you. Her sense of humor is from her father and is a trait we hope she always has. She loves climbing on Dennis, b/c she knows he will British bulldog her at any given moment. Or put her on his shoulders and play Seabiscuit. This is a short clip showing her determined to attack her daddy.

A dark, long night lasting about 4 months

   I refused to tell the Birth Story of ACY until I spoke to my favorite nurse, Mrs. Super Fantastic with the low-down. I couldn't bear that she should read it when in spirit, she was with me thru the whole thing.  
  My pregnancy was uneventful in that everything was minimal.  My morning sickness was next to non-existent, I ran until the end of the 6th month, hit the gym until my belly made exiting a machine impossible, no cravings, and no hormonal swings.  Perhaps it had to do with the strict diet I kept.  I seldom indulged in anything b/c I couldn't bear putting junk into the forming life inside,  which led to a total gain of 19 lbs. Keep in mind, I was a size 8 to start. 
  I was late.  And no sign of baby.  Inducement start 12/2 and the whole process from start to finish was a tortuous 30 hours.  Waiting for the contractions which didn't come until after almost 24 hours was hell.  Thank goodness the nurses were really cool or I would have lost my mind.  Every 2 hours there was an internal exam-which still makes me cringe. There was simply too much invasion of my physical privacy!  Poor Dennis had to sit and watch my face grimace in pain.  Finally, the contractions started kicking in.  Somehow, I never lost my cool or composure.  But I did want my epidural and wanted it ASAP! I had to wait until I was fully dilated, and then Ancona got me off it an hour later so I could push more effectively.  Crazy.  Though Den was there to hold my hand and offer moral support (thanks Den), it was like my mom said-there is no one but God at that point.  
   Funny how 10 months later, I can still remember how bittersweet it all felt.  How I was happy to have the baby, not quite realizing that the darkest night of my life was about to begin.  
  Dennis I am sure has a different perspective-he got to see all the cool stuff: the crowning of her little head, and then watch her come out.  Tears streamed down his face with pure love and happiness. I was relieved to know it was over.  And then, "It's a girl!"  A GIRL?  But we thought it was a boy.  With all the kicking, I thought Little Pele was inside me.  I laughed at how little we as humans know about anything!
   Ashima weighed 7 lbs on the dot and was alert from the start. I guess the epi drug didn't have any time to hit her blood b/c she was wide eyed and ready to go!  She had a personality from the beginning-she had the loudest cry on the floor.  The night nurse wanted to give us a break and took her to the nursery, only to return her 45 minutes later b/c she was waking up the other newborns!  She looked like a fledgling raven with her mouth rooted open...and yet the latching was an issue.
   Breastfeeding was difficult and a challenge.  It's supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, yet there were tons of books and articles to argue otherwise.  It would take forever to latch, and then sometimes it was improperly which led to sore nipples.  I cried many times of frustration thinking I was already a failure of a mother and it hadn't even been a week.  Thank goodness for a breast pump and formula to help me through the beginning.  And those EBF nazi mothers can kiss my butt-if I hadn't had the help of formula, I would have given up all together!  
   I guess b/c the bf wasn't easy, I didn't feel a true connection to her until much later.  And it didn't help that we had way too many visitors the first couple of weeks-that was a mistake not to be repeated.  Too many hormones running wild, and I was so tired!  It was winter and it felt like a night that never ended.  I prayed for better days, for strength, and patience with the whole thing.  
  Somewhere along the way of the 3-4 months, things slowed down a bit.  Bf got easier and at last we were on our way to something resembling a bond.  For some of us, loving our children isn't immediate.  I knew it was my responsibility to take care of her, and that alone made me want to excel in the task.  But love?  That came later.  Maybe it has to do with my lack of cooing-I know I am missing that woman gene! It's no secret that becoming a mother was not on my list of life priorities, so maybe that accounts for the blase attitude I had from pregnancy until month 4 in Ashi's life.   Who knows? I am just grateful that long night ended and ACY has the loving home she rightly deserves.

  

The songs we end up singing

    As mothering goes, I am not the nurturing type.  I do not talk baby language, or coo, or do anything which resembles those things. It's just not in my DNA.  I am not big into cutesy names, or in going crazy over lacey frilly things.  That includes pillows of Beauty and the Beast.  Tears don't come easily, tho my heart of stone has been tampered with since my mission, and even further with Ashima's arrival.  I still do not melt over Hallmark commercials and my annoyance continues with Demi Moore in "Ghost".  So, it's really an amazing feat that I sing to my little girl.
   I cannot remember how old she was exactly, but it was within the first week when my crooning began.  My voice is not in tune whatsoever, but Ashi doesn't care.  She is my biggest fan.  Primary songs in Spanish are what have dominated my selection, supposing those are innately what I deem to be the most soothing to the soul.  "Mi Padre Celestial Me Ama" (My Heavenly Father Loves Me) is the first one which came out of my mouth, and has set the stage for the others on many nights.  It is a beautiful song celebrating life and how the earth's creations were made by a loving Heavenly Father.  That the child can assert that s/he knows their Father loves them is touching to the point of poignancy.  As adults, this innocence is refreshing to our tired souls and reinforces the faith we once had and so desperately need.  
   Today at General Conference, this song was sung by Mo Tab and tears welled in my eyes as I looked down at my daughter playing without a care in the world.  That she is a divine creation, of that I am sure-as are all children in their parent's eyes.  I am posting the lyrics in Spanish, for it is in that language which I feel the depth of them the most.

   Cuando oigo feliz un ave cantar, o puedo el cielo mirar,
   Cuando siento la lluvia sobre mi faz, o el soplo del viento al pasar,
   Si toco la flores del rosal, o huelo un aleli,
   Que gozo me da en este mundo vivir que mi Padre creo para mi.
   Me ha dado mis ojos para mirar de la mariposa el color.
   Me dio mis oidos para escuchar de su bella creatura rumor.
   La vida me dio, y un corazon, y gracias a El dare por ser una parte de su gran Creacion-
  Si, mi Padre me ama, lo se.