In the midst of hustle and bustle

   In the midst of all the madness with our new home, Thanksgiving and Ashima's first birthday came and went in a blur.  Thanksgiving was relaxing at the NJ Yabut's, and Ashima enjoyed her turkey dinner.  

   Shortly afterward, we had a quiet day for her first birthday.  It's not b/c we don't think it's important, b/c it is the most important date in our hearts.  We wanted to just enjoy her company without bells and whistles everywhere.  Ashima loves being social, and we know she prefers doing her favorite activities.  We took her to the Kew Forest Park, where she was all smiles playing, running, and interacting with other children.  Even though she cries at adult strangers, she rarely shies away from kids.  Tita Myra was coming home from a business trip, and she cut Ashima's  cake with us.  Let's not mention they spelt her name wrong...but Ashima had her first taste of birthday cake!

   Later this month, we will have a small family gathering for a more formalized birthday "party".  We made the executive decision against inviting 50 plus adults to a restaurant where we know Ashima will not be at her best, or even truly happy. She will be around those she loves the most in her life, which is what counts.  As parents, we celebrate her birthday everyday, for we are grateful to have such a special girl in our lives.

Closing time

   We did it! After months of challenges, we are now homeowners.  Scary, but exciting to tackle the new obstacles in our way.  So much to do, it's all a work in progress. We are grateful for all the support of family and friends in this endeavor.  It's our little patch of land and we will make it our home in time.  
   Funny how our perception of closing was so different than reality. You sign a bunch of different legal papers and then all of a sudden, someone says, "Congratulations".  That's it.  For some reason, we thought there would be some ceremonial presentation to make it official. 

  As for now, we will be in the Kew Gardens apt until the end of December.  As posted before, we are nostalgic, but we can't live in Queens forever. There's not an affordable backyard to put a swing set or have bbq's- and we are all about that! 
 

A love hate relationship

   For some reason, Ashima greatly dislikes the vacuum.  If she can hear it humming, she will cry until it is shut off.  So we left it in the "dining" room where she could see it, telling her, "the vacuum does whirr" in hopes of a better outcome.  Now that she discovered how fun throwing food around is, vacuuming has become a daily affair. So, it would be best if she developed a good rapport with it.  At first, she ignored the vacuum, then started yelling at it, and finally started touching it.  We thought she could handle hearing it on, but no...not yet. She continues to cry.

Kew Forest Park

   After more than 7 years of living in the same neighborhood, it's a bittersweet feeling thinking about leaving for good.   We look at the street where we first met and smile, knowing Ashima was just a gleam in our eye then.  We have enjoyed our time-Danni's pizza, the Trade Fair supermarket, Midway movie theater and Forest Hills, Alba's, D and D, Joy Fruit, The Associated, Jackpot, and of course the plaza with BB and CVS.  
   It's only appropriate that we take pics while strolling Ashi in the Kew Forest Park.  The canopy of leaves are beautiful in the autumn and she enjoys being outside there.  It's a runner's dream, with the falling leaves serving as nature's confetti celebrating the goodness of life.  

 

 

Vampirita's Halloween

   We loved Ashima's costume.  We had sooo much fun just watching her walk around with her cape.  The slight gloominess added to the mood of Halloween.  We took her trick or treating to the stores around our house, it seems like it's the thing to do. It's so sad that kids don't have the liberty to go from house to house like we did when growing up.  But then again, I don't know if we would feel comfortable trusting other people.  Xenophobia has taken its toll over the years.  Certainly next year we will try to do something with other children her age so we can show off her costume and gush with other parents about how darling they all look.  ;)

  

Chocoholic in the making

   Ashima's first Halloween is quickly approaching! The costume is washed and ready to go.  The traditional cupcakes are baking, but unfortunately with Christmas liners. But who needs 75 Santa liners, anyway? It's not like we have 75 people to give cupcakes away to for the holidays! :)
   She had a great day today (other than getting to sleep without Dennis tonite).  She tried to eat a Reese's and a Crunch already! But that's not surprising when both of us are major chocolate lovers.  She must have caught us dipping in the pail and knows it's food.  Hee hee.

 

 

Shots and shoes

   With swine flu being declared a national emergency, we decided to vaccinate Ashima when we went for a delayed well visit today.  She is on track with height and weight, is developing nicely in all areas, and we got some sleep advice.   It's never easy watching her get the needle, but we take comfort that she will not remember the experience.  
   We also went to the mall and got her first pair of walking shoes!  We bought 2 pairs-one sneaker like and the other Mary Jane style.  They are not cheap, but we had a great time watching her in the store.

Getting ready for Halloween

   Halloween is one of our favorite days b/c there is no pressure to celebrate it.  No gifts to exchange, no prearranged dinners, and no guilt for failing to say "Happy Halloween" to everyone you see.  Not to mention it's so much fun walking the dark side!  

   Ashima is set to go: her costume is ready that her aunt Myra made, and so is her candy pail.  She has been wearing her Halloween bib all month long and recognizes the jack o lantern, witch, and ghost.  We hope  she enjoys the actual day of trick or treat.

 

   We have been having way too much fun with Ashima this week.  She is learning how to communicate her likes and annoyances.  Still not a good sleeper, but we are hanging in there.   Judging by the drool that has been dripping, we think she is working on tooth #9.   This video was taken the morning before the landlord replaced the siding, which is why she is wearing a sweater over her pjs.  She was not a fan of the hood! 

 

Applesauce, anyone?

  October is a great month, starting with Halloween and also b/c apples pop up everywhere you go-apple picking, apple cider, apple pie-the list goes on and on.  My (Metzi) mom and FIL both gave me many  Gala apples over the last 2 weeks, as demonstrated in the pic.  So I made applesauce and have enough for about a month or more for Ashima.  She loves it! I mixed it with sweet potato, butternut squash, and many fruits. YUM.     

Attack!

Ashima is a jokester. She laughs when she psyches you out, or hides from you. Her sense of humor is from her father and is a trait we hope she always has. She loves climbing on Dennis, b/c she knows he will British bulldog her at any given moment. Or put her on his shoulders and play Seabiscuit. This is a short clip showing her determined to attack her daddy.

A dark, long night lasting about 4 months

   I refused to tell the Birth Story of ACY until I spoke to my favorite nurse, Mrs. Super Fantastic with the low-down. I couldn't bear that she should read it when in spirit, she was with me thru the whole thing.  
  My pregnancy was uneventful in that everything was minimal.  My morning sickness was next to non-existent, I ran until the end of the 6th month, hit the gym until my belly made exiting a machine impossible, no cravings, and no hormonal swings.  Perhaps it had to do with the strict diet I kept.  I seldom indulged in anything b/c I couldn't bear putting junk into the forming life inside,  which led to a total gain of 19 lbs. Keep in mind, I was a size 8 to start. 
  I was late.  And no sign of baby.  Inducement start 12/2 and the whole process from start to finish was a tortuous 30 hours.  Waiting for the contractions which didn't come until after almost 24 hours was hell.  Thank goodness the nurses were really cool or I would have lost my mind.  Every 2 hours there was an internal exam-which still makes me cringe. There was simply too much invasion of my physical privacy!  Poor Dennis had to sit and watch my face grimace in pain.  Finally, the contractions started kicking in.  Somehow, I never lost my cool or composure.  But I did want my epidural and wanted it ASAP! I had to wait until I was fully dilated, and then Ancona got me off it an hour later so I could push more effectively.  Crazy.  Though Den was there to hold my hand and offer moral support (thanks Den), it was like my mom said-there is no one but God at that point.  
   Funny how 10 months later, I can still remember how bittersweet it all felt.  How I was happy to have the baby, not quite realizing that the darkest night of my life was about to begin.  
  Dennis I am sure has a different perspective-he got to see all the cool stuff: the crowning of her little head, and then watch her come out.  Tears streamed down his face with pure love and happiness. I was relieved to know it was over.  And then, "It's a girl!"  A GIRL?  But we thought it was a boy.  With all the kicking, I thought Little Pele was inside me.  I laughed at how little we as humans know about anything!
   Ashima weighed 7 lbs on the dot and was alert from the start. I guess the epi drug didn't have any time to hit her blood b/c she was wide eyed and ready to go!  She had a personality from the beginning-she had the loudest cry on the floor.  The night nurse wanted to give us a break and took her to the nursery, only to return her 45 minutes later b/c she was waking up the other newborns!  She looked like a fledgling raven with her mouth rooted open...and yet the latching was an issue.
   Breastfeeding was difficult and a challenge.  It's supposed to be the most natural thing in the world, yet there were tons of books and articles to argue otherwise.  It would take forever to latch, and then sometimes it was improperly which led to sore nipples.  I cried many times of frustration thinking I was already a failure of a mother and it hadn't even been a week.  Thank goodness for a breast pump and formula to help me through the beginning.  And those EBF nazi mothers can kiss my butt-if I hadn't had the help of formula, I would have given up all together!  
   I guess b/c the bf wasn't easy, I didn't feel a true connection to her until much later.  And it didn't help that we had way too many visitors the first couple of weeks-that was a mistake not to be repeated.  Too many hormones running wild, and I was so tired!  It was winter and it felt like a night that never ended.  I prayed for better days, for strength, and patience with the whole thing.  
  Somewhere along the way of the 3-4 months, things slowed down a bit.  Bf got easier and at last we were on our way to something resembling a bond.  For some of us, loving our children isn't immediate.  I knew it was my responsibility to take care of her, and that alone made me want to excel in the task.  But love?  That came later.  Maybe it has to do with my lack of cooing-I know I am missing that woman gene! It's no secret that becoming a mother was not on my list of life priorities, so maybe that accounts for the blase attitude I had from pregnancy until month 4 in Ashi's life.   Who knows? I am just grateful that long night ended and ACY has the loving home she rightly deserves.

  

The songs we end up singing

    As mothering goes, I am not the nurturing type.  I do not talk baby language, or coo, or do anything which resembles those things. It's just not in my DNA.  I am not big into cutesy names, or in going crazy over lacey frilly things.  That includes pillows of Beauty and the Beast.  Tears don't come easily, tho my heart of stone has been tampered with since my mission, and even further with Ashima's arrival.  I still do not melt over Hallmark commercials and my annoyance continues with Demi Moore in "Ghost".  So, it's really an amazing feat that I sing to my little girl.
   I cannot remember how old she was exactly, but it was within the first week when my crooning began.  My voice is not in tune whatsoever, but Ashi doesn't care.  She is my biggest fan.  Primary songs in Spanish are what have dominated my selection, supposing those are innately what I deem to be the most soothing to the soul.  "Mi Padre Celestial Me Ama" (My Heavenly Father Loves Me) is the first one which came out of my mouth, and has set the stage for the others on many nights.  It is a beautiful song celebrating life and how the earth's creations were made by a loving Heavenly Father.  That the child can assert that s/he knows their Father loves them is touching to the point of poignancy.  As adults, this innocence is refreshing to our tired souls and reinforces the faith we once had and so desperately need.  
   Today at General Conference, this song was sung by Mo Tab and tears welled in my eyes as I looked down at my daughter playing without a care in the world.  That she is a divine creation, of that I am sure-as are all children in their parent's eyes.  I am posting the lyrics in Spanish, for it is in that language which I feel the depth of them the most.

   Cuando oigo feliz un ave cantar, o puedo el cielo mirar,
   Cuando siento la lluvia sobre mi faz, o el soplo del viento al pasar,
   Si toco la flores del rosal, o huelo un aleli,
   Que gozo me da en este mundo vivir que mi Padre creo para mi.
   Me ha dado mis ojos para mirar de la mariposa el color.
   Me dio mis oidos para escuchar de su bella creatura rumor.
   La vida me dio, y un corazon, y gracias a El dare por ser una parte de su gran Creacion-
  Si, mi Padre me ama, lo se.

   

The American Dream...

   So when we thought of purchasing a home a few years back, we envisioned the white picket fence and a fireplace to sit by while reading to our children.  The house has a fireplace, but we are still waiting for closing.  The bank is making our lives a nitemare with all their requirements,  the last addition being flood insurance.  That's an additional $145/mo on top of everything else just b/c they  want it, not that the insurance company deems it necessary.  It's almost unacceptable, and we could walk away from all this-but experience has taught me (Metzi) that whenever challenges arise, it's only a test of patience and whatever is in question is worth the headache.  I  keep reminding myself of this as I want to scream of frustration about things we cannot control or have enough knowledge of to contest. 
   Just when things get so unbearable,  Ashima wakes up from a nap and showers us with hugs and kisses-well, her faces smushes into ours and she goes, "mmmm" as in "muah" and the dark gloomy clouds dissipate.  Who can keep a bad mood when a child's smile is present?

  

P.U./P.D.

   Thanks to Aimee and Kirsten for their recommendations on sleeping books!!! I (Metzi) am in love with the Baby Whisperer and wish someone had gotten it for me 10 months ago.  It's so great.  The whole pick up, put down method is not easy, I have been having trouble with all the screaming, plus I am not perfect in it yet. But today was a breakthrough.
   The method deals with you putting the baby to sleep in the crib while they are awake and they learn to fall asleep by themselves.  After all the picking up and putting down, I told Ashima, "Ok, I am going to sleep in the bed.  I am tired."  I didn't yell, or even sound mean.  My back hurt and I was just going to take a small break while her shrill cries worked on the glass...at first she kept crying. And then she got softer, and all I heard were small sniffles. Oh, how my heart melted! But I did not give in, I was strong.  Then it got quiet.  I was in shock. She had put herself to sleep!  So now I wonder what time she will wake... 

Forsaking the cult

  Being a flight attendant is not just a job-it's a lifestyle.  When I was first hired, someone told me it's like a bug that bites which never leaves your system.  After 10 years, the job affected me.  Last September was the start of my leave of absence until next April, and I am at the end of detoxing from the cult.
   Flight attending takes you many places, whether domestic or international, and escaping reality more than living it.  Somewhere in between all this, a sense of what is real is lost along with where you fit in the scheme of things.  Unimportant people start to take precedence of lifelong friends and family in the name of fun and flying off to exciting destinations.  Soul alignment gets all screwy, especially when single and without much of a care in the world.  
   I am in the final stages of cleansing my mind, soul, and yes, body from all the sewage the job invaded into my life.  Taking a step back for a year has proven beneficial into bringing me back to where I belong: to myself.  
  It's sad how I allowed this to happen...but it was fun.  What a ride! I am so glad it's over and am peacefully leaving it all behind.  Nothing is missed.  Life now has much richer and more rewarding experiences with true meaning.  
   Which leads me to ridding myself of unnecessary connections.  Why pretend to care when we don't? Or care like we did in high school about who was more popular, when the homecoming queen hardly ever makes it in the long run?
It's all so liberating.  Wish this could have happened earlier, could have saved me lots of money and drama!!!

Ashi's first swing at the Kew Forest Park

Today Dennis took Ashima to the Kew Forest Park and she had her first swing. We never knew they made swings for little people like her. She loves being outside and around other children, especially babies. She is a social being already with loads of energy.

How thin is the veil

   Just this past Sunday, I took Ashima to church and something curious occurred.  We were walking along the hall and there was the print  of the Second Coming.  I pointed towards the Savior and said, "Do you know who this is?"  Ashima smiled and started talking to the picture in full conversation.  This happens every time and the same strange sensation courses my body watching my daughter recognize Christ.  How thin is the veil for the innocent?  If someone told this to me about their child, my reaction would be hesitant to believe-until you experience it firsthand, it sounds too fantastical.  But I promise it's true.

Walking the Williamsburg

   On a whim we decided walking the bridge we have used time and again while living in Queens.  Connecting BK and "the city", it's the easiest and most economic access for us to lower Manhattan:free.  What makes it so special is you can walk, run, or bike across it.  Over the years, we kept meaning to do it and yesterday was the day.  
   It was a beautiful late afternoon stroll, probably one of the last warm days of the season. We were on our way home from visiting Nana and Papa Yabut and realized it was now or never.   We bought pizza from a the local corner joint b/c we needed quarters to feed the meter.  What a rip-off~ 25 cents for 7.5 minutes!  But it was so worth it.  

Yes, you can still call

To answer the recurring question "can I still call you since you are now doing a blog?" YES. How ridiculous.

The main reason we started this is b/c since Ashima was born, we have not kept a written record of anything outside her Pooh baby book, which was a very thoughtful gift from Becky S/Ratona. Not to mention it gives far away family and friends an update.

Seriously. Just pick up the phone and call. We can't promise we will, that's why WE BLOG!!!!!!

*love you guys*

Our Almost Home

We originally looked at the house next door and put a bid that went unanswered. We were upset, and I (Metzi) chastised myself for getting my hopes up. "Things happen for a reason", "This wasn't the house for you" were the comfort words of consolation our family and friends offered. And so *sigh* we started our search again.

But lo and behold! The neighboring house went up for sale! Being the sign seeking sinner that I am, I took it as the Universe rearranging things in our favor once again. And so the Universe smiled as we negotiated...and negotiated...and negotiated again on a price.

So here we are. Bank appraisers went in today and we snuck in to do measurements. Not really snuck, but we can pretend we were sneaky. Funny how different everything looks sans furnishings of others. Kitchen and main bath need absolute remodeling and updating, and most other rooms have to come up to speed. But hey, for a starter home, this ain't shabby!

Now it's time to hold our breaths as we get our paperwork and necessary items ($$$$) ready as we wait for a closing date.

The meaning of Ashima

A name is something we have throughout our lives, and is endowed to us by our parents with the best of intentions. We chose Ashima because we wanted to give our daughter a name which would always remind her of her individual potential.

Ashima is Hindu in origen meaning, "limitless, without boundaries"'. Limitless. No boundaries. This struck me (Metzi) the moment I heard it. This is a name a female should have bestowed upon her, especially in the Age of Obama. We want our daughter to feel she can achieve anything her heart desires, without imposed limits or boundaries society places on women.

Beginnings

Today is the start of this online account of our lives as Yabuts. Dennis, Metzi, and Ashima.
I (Metzi) realize the importance for Ashi's sake, as I don't think anyone has kept a record of everything that has happened from the moment she entered all our lives.
In a nutshell, Ashima is the moving force behind many actions in the last year and a half. She came to align our lives in accordance to what had deviated from the path, and for this, we are all grateful. She truly is an angel.

That being said, let's begin!

We are in the middle of getting ready to close on a house in Hewlett. It's a crazy time with much uncertainty b/c neither of us know what to expect. I am nervous, but this is the right decision for us. Returning to the neighborhood I was in for 4 years will be slightly weird, but those were great years. And that is what motivated us to purchase in this neighborhood. School District 14 is what we all aspire to when looking into educating our children.
In between all this, bouts of sadness creep in about leaving Queens. It's been a great 9 years being back in NYC after leaving to Utah (and other places) for so long. No matter what Dennis says, I am a QZ girl at heart, and am proud of it!
Our baby girl has progressed by leaps and bounds. She has a tiny vocabulary, and is learning how to best communicate her needs to us. She is determined to stand on her own, and is headstrong in all she does. We are working on her sleep issues, b/c they are just that: issues.